t journal

growing my hair out. or something.

I was planning on buying a 60l backpack for this hitch-hiking/tenting trip, then I found this old-ass beautiful backpack at home. feeling ready to leave right now. that’s right, I’m like a kid that won’t take his new sneakers off for bed.

I’ve been doing pretty good bottom dysphoria-wise lately, starting to think I could just live happily the way I am without it bugging me.

a few days ago I spontaneously accepted an offer of taking a yacht course, feeling awesome about doing something productive for myself and then all the living happily shutters into pieces because me and three strange dudes on a yacht and me being the only one unable to empty my bladder comfortably for three days. now, I’m going to cancel on them because of something this fucking stupid. and lie to my parents by saying I’m too lazy to take the training because I don’t want them to see me weak and still dealing with this shit.

can’t even describe how angry and betrayed by my body I’m feeling right now. I feel like curling up and never leaving my room.

how to beard: grooming

read part 1 on how to even grow that bloody beard *here*, if you haven’t already.

there is a myth going on that says being bearded has to do with laziness, whereas in reality taking care of a beard can take a lot more effort and thought than staying clean-shaven. letting your beard grow is one thing, but keeping it well-groomed is another. I find it quite essential, unless someone has incredible beard genes(awesome density and coverage) or can pull off very wild facial fur. I feel like it looks better each time I grow a beard all over again, not only because my facial hair growth keeps improving a little, but I also learn how to take care of it properly.

grooming your beard usually includes combing, shaving your neck, cheeks and trimming, but can also mean using beard products like oils, beard soap/shampoos, beard balm or moustache wax. I’m not an expert here, but I’ve acquired some knowledge in the field through reading jefffs beard board, gazing shamelessly at other men’s faces on beard blogs(alright, on subway, too), giving a few friends a beard trim and, well, doing my best at growing one of those things myself. here are a few tips.

1.brushing/combing

I don’t think people realise how helpful brushing or combing a beard can be. it doesn’t just make you look better right afterwards, but with enough consistency, it gives you some control over how your beard grows and lays down. before you grab a razor or trimmer to kill a beard because it started to curl in bizarre ways or has developed an odd shape, try combing it in different ways and you might decide that your beard looks fine as it is. boar brushes and brushes with some boar bristle supposedly work best. try not to brush when your hair is wet as it weakens it quite a bit. combing or brushing can be a blessing, if you already have some length, but aren’t quite there and are having a bad beard day.

2.carving a neckline/cheekline.

it’s recommended to let your beard grow a little before you define your neck/cheekline- I personally prefer a natural neckline with short beards, otherwise people tend to look overstyled to me, but that’s my opinion. staying away from the razor for the first few weeks lets slow-growers keep up and gives you a better image of what your face will look like bearded therefore helps you make a better decision. after you passed the scruffy stage and it’s getting fuzzy would be the best moment to carve a neckline. shaving your neck and cheeks can give you a nice fresh feeling, if you’re starting to feel a bit messy and unkempt.

when it comes to neckline, the golden rule says two fingers above your adam’s apple indicate where to shave your neck, but go little by little and frequently check in the mirror from a distance. how high and what shape will depend on your preference, beard length and pattern- if you have bald spots on your neck you might feel the urge to carve a higher neckline, but remember that those spots might fill in or cover up with added length. consider trimming your neck, instead of shaving it completely, if you like more of a natural look and would like to avoid sharp lines. big beards often don’t require any neck shaving or very little. most experienced growers will tell you it’s better to shave it lower than higher, you can see so many guys will high-ass necklines it hurts my bearded soul… keep in mind barbers tend to shave necks very high(which beard growers tend to hate), feel more than free to tell your barber not to shave it right below your jaw! the way cheeks work is pretty similar- try not to shave too much at first. a cheekline can compliment your facial features or mess up the proportions, experiment and try to choose a style that fits both your facial structure and facial hair growth pattern. you may decide to clean up the upper cheeks or you might find your natural cheekline your best fit.

3.trimming

just like the hair on you head, long untrimmed facial hair becomes weaker and gets split ends. a beard trim is done using a clipper type beard trimmer or scissors. you don’t have to necessarily take length when your beard looks messy(and combing doesn’t do the job) - another reason why the growing out stage doesn’t tend to look too flattering is people don’t do surface trimming. again, our facial hair doesn’t grow at a perfectly even pace, sometimes all we need is to trim some stubborn longer hairs growing in odd directions. try using clipper/scissor over comb technique for surface trimming and for blending(f.e. sideburns into your head hair/beard).

once your moustache starts getting in your mouth you have to decide whether to trim it or start so-called training it to the sides(combing it to the sides + pushing it to the sides with your fingers frequently so that it starts to lay this way naturally), otherwise eating and drinking will get super messy. if you’re growing a handle-bar moustache or a similar style, you have to wait for it to get long enough to curl the ends while training it to the sides. the longer, the easier it should be to persuade your moustache to lay to the sides.

holy crap, that’s a long post. I guess I’ll touch on beard products some other time.

Anonymous asked:
Hi! Idk how it works in Poland, but here in my country, if you want to change your name and do the surgery, you have to go to the psychologist for 2 years, sometimes more, so people are certain you won't 'change your mind', or that this is not 'just a phase'. What are you thoughts on this? Although i think people should be aware and prepared for the risks of the surgery, are psychologists really prepared to attend trans* people? Is this the correct way of doing it? It seems so violent and wrong.

fortunately, the two years rule doesn’t exist in my country any more.

I think an adult should be able to change their name whenever to whatever they want as long as it doesn’t do any harm to anyone. surgeries are a separate subject- in Poland you have to get diagnosed with GID by a specialist who checks your kariotype, hormone levels and some other stuff along with performing basic psychological tests to indicate you’re not suffering from a disorder that could be causing GID ‘symptoms’(f.e. schizophrenia). I definitely think people should check their mental and overall health before receiving a green light to HRT and/or surgeries, it should be a minimum standard procedure and it’s for our own good. how much one has to wait for the treatment and how well-educated the doctors are in the subject is another problem that has to do with how health system works in one’s country.

as far as I know, waiting time is the longest in places where trans-related healthcare is refundable(like Germany, Switzerland, the UK, Scandinavia?) which makes sense because 1.money and 2.money.



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my sister took some shots of me the other day. wow, that beard was begging for a moustache trim!

give her thumbs up on Facebook.

people living in Norway/Sweden or who have been tenting around Oslo/Stockholm? also, surfing in Norway! we should talk! 

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the woods

Anonymous asked:
Don't you feel disheartened by having to take hormones for the rest of your life to maintain these male characteristics?

if you put it this way- yeah, it sucks, but I don’t think of it like this and it’s hardly ever on my mind.

it’s a medication which I have to take regularly in order to maintain hormonal balance and mental stability. there are numerous chronic conditions people deal with that require medical treatment. even if I’m not the biggest fan of needles and would love to produce certain amounts of testosterone naturally, it’s still what I have to do and I feel lucky to be able to access the meds I need.



Anonymous asked:
Why do you think the visibility of trans men needs to get better? I don't understand why people think that. Why can't we just be and exist without our scars and bodies being paraded around? I don't want to be recognised by a stranger on the beach because of scars.

what I meant by visibility isn’t ‘our bodies being paraded around’, but providing positive image of trans men in order to raise awareness and change people’s perception of us for the better. there is a lot for us to do in terms of rights and legal regulations and media promoting a false/negative image of trans people doesn’t help at all. I’m sorry if you think visibility is not a good thing, but people get hurt and killed for being trans - I believe prejudice and lack of knowledge play a huge role here and we won’t solve those problems by sitting quietly hoping a stranger on the beach doesn’t find out we’re trans. 



Anonymous asked:
for another trans man looking to break into modeling....did this opportunity just spring up randomly for you? Someone saw your blog and your pictures went viral? I think trans men modeling could really spread visibility and its something I've always been interested in doing but haven't seen an opportunity

that’s exactly how it happened. my blog was on the radar, an agency saw it and thought I would be suitable for one of their client’s campaigns. 

I agree that modelling can be a good way to improve visibility and that’s one of the main reasons why I took the offer :)



spooning.

receiving modelling job offers that include no payment, nor covering of travelling costs! yes, thank you for giving me this opportunity to pay for plane tickets and a hotel.

this was exams, too. zombie mode