I had to catch a bus home late at night recently(which doesn’t happen often). the area has poor street lighting and is empty at nights, as I got out of the bus and started walking I thought about how I used to always feel really unsafe there, if going home alone this late, I would walk very fast hoping nobody would bother me and I thought about how much I was missing out because it was actually pretty nice and calming there - the weather was peaceful and the sky looked mad beautiful. then I looked at my own shadow on the pavement and thought if I passed someone at this hour, maybe a kid or a woman, would they feel threatened?
I’ve been thinking about how I see myself in my head vs. what other people see when they look at me. even though everything happens gradually, it’s common for trans people to sometimes have to remind themselves how much they’ve changed physically during medical transition(I guess it takes less for the body to adjust than the mind). what I especially tend to forget about is how much muscular-looking I got over time. as a kid I used to get comments from teachers and friends’ parents on how well-built I was, but during puberty things started changing about my body as well as bodies of my peers, for a few years I wasn’t that jock kid compared to cis boys anymore and I got used to it. when I first begun HRT, people started complimenting my body on Tumblr, but it wasn’t until perhaps the last half a year when people outside the internet started commenting on my physique all the time and the frequency of it really makes me look at myself in the mirror twice. when someone points out I have huge shoulders now they mean it compared to an average male, average men are less muscular-looking then I am - it still sounds really bizarre to me. some girls tell me I’m too big and should tone it down- it’s so odd to get that type of comments when my brain still holds on to the image of me 8 months or so on T and looking like an awkward 16-year-old boy. I’m not sure how to respond to that type of comments, especially since I never intended to get big, I exercise for mental and physical health rather than muscle mass. but people who don’t know me don’t know that. what do they think then? what do they assume? do they make assumptions about my opinions, interests or intellect based on how much time they think I must be spending at gym? do women feel uncomfortable or unsafe around me because of how they see me? do people assume I stand for traditional gender roles based on how masculine I appear?
|
Anonymous asked: Jakiej wielkości są twoje brodawki? Mogę prosić o zdjęcie? 2cm średnicy, zdjęcia znajdziesz na blogu, w dziale klatka piersiowa. jeśli pozjeżdżasz w dół, to znajdziesz też zdjęcia, które prezentują, jak brodawki goiły się po operacji. są dość szczegółowe zbliżenia, więc nie ma sensu, żebym robił dodakowe zdjęcie. |
|
Anonymous asked: yo yo yo. do you switch glutes per shot or always hit the same one? can't seem to find anyone saying 'this is ok' or 'this is not ok'. yeah, I do. regardless of whether you shoot in thighs or glutes, switching sides is to go for. I add an ‘L’ or ‘R’ to my phone reminders so I don’t have to memorize which side I did last time. |
|
Anonymous asked: Hey Oliver, I haven't started T yet but I want to try get in shape and maybe gain a bit of muscle. My natural T levels are pretty high but will it be hard for me to get muscular arms(I don't mean like massive just so its sort of distinctive) or will I have to wait until I start T? I don’t know, it will mostly depend on you genetics. |
|
Anonymous asked: Wybacz, jeśli było, ale oczy mnie już bolą od szukania. ;) Co robiłeś dwa lata temu z włosami, że były takie roztrzepane? Na co je stawiałeś? I ogólnie jak się musiałeś napracować, żeby tak wyglądały? Nie musiałem, to był raczej bed head, włosy mi stercza same z siebie, nie zawsze mi się to podoba. Jeśli potrzebujesz jakiegoś specyfiku do roztrzepywania, to polecam gumę do włosów got2b. |
|
Anonymous asked: When you do your Q&A video? when my friend and I have time for it. have to say most of the questions I received were off-topic, so it would help, if people submitted more. |
outdoor bar workout today. this place would be perfect(I’ve never even seen the bars being occupied by anyone), if it weren’t for TONS of mosquitos. I live fairly near this great spot full of different bars in a forest, but I’d never go there in the past because I used to feel too self-conscious about my chest before top surgery, then I wasn’t allowed to exercise after the surgery and then it got too cold… bar season’s about to start!
|
Anonymous asked: hi oliver, quick question since you talk a lot about both body/facial hair and packing! If you don't feel comfortable answering that's totally cool, but i wanted to know if you had any advice or your personal methods for "manscaping" and dealing with pubic hair. i never see anyone talking about this! -thanks my general take would be to do whatever you and your partner(s) like and feel comfortable with, but I guess you’re right, we don’t see people talk about this, so hopefully we’ll get some response. I, personally, really like most types of body hair on men and prefer stuff below the belt to be trimmed regularly rather than shaved smooth. |
|
Anonymous asked: could you post your diet plan in brief? I don’t eat: meat, fish, seafood, fried shit, butter, mayonnaise, ice cream, salt I eat: low-fat diary products, nuts, whole-grain stuff, fruit, vegetables, rice, soda, pasta I rarely eat: eggs, sweets, fast food, dark chocolate, white bread no: I don’t count my calories, know what my daily protein intake is, how long before, how much and what you should eat pre- or post-workout. if you need to know those things, do your research, try things out and see what works for you, your metabolism and needs. I promote healthy lifestyle, but don’t want people to assume my diet is to be looked up to in terms of getting bigger muscles, maintaining low body fat percentage etc. I’ve been receiving this type of questions at least once a day, so I hope this solves it. |
I think I’ve left my packers on display so many times already that there is no point in keeping them in private places in my room. in fact, I should probably get a glass display cabinet for them in the living room and just embrace the fact that the whole household has seen my dick in random spots that aren’t my trousers.
lunch break.
all it’s doing lately is a lousy job at spreading on my chin and trying to connect with my moustache and cheeks. hope it does happen one day, it’d be sick to not have those two patches of hairless skin.
|
Anonymous asked: Hej :) Znalazłem Twój blog niedawno i jestem pod wielkim wrażeniem , czy byłaby możliwość skontaktowania się z Tobą ? Chciałbym się dowiedzieć parę rzeczy , pozdrawiam :) |
I’d like to make a Q&A video about being trans and/or non-heterosexual in Poland. I have a friend who said was willing to participate and answer questions with me, I made a bit of a list of questions I might use, but we’d be happy if you suggested some, too. feel free to formulate your question(s) here or in my ask box. it can be about our experience as non-heterosexual people, trans people treatment in Poland, Polish society, Polish trans community, her awareness when it comes to trans stuff as a cis person, whatever comes to mind. so, is there anything you’re curious about and would like us to discuss?
